David Gruder – How to overcome struggles?
Transcript of the interview of David Gruder
David Laroche: So hello, Achievers! Today, I am with a new guest. He is the Dr. David Gruder, he is well known as America’s Integrity Expert. Due to his happiness, success and a lot of things you would discover, he is very inspiring and he is with me San Diego. So hello, David.
David Gruder: Hello David, nice to be with you.
David Laroche: Me too, how are you today?
David Gruder: I am happy.
David Laroche: Perfect, it’s a good start.
David Gruder: Thank you, how are you today?
David Laroche: It is an awesome day, I met so inspiring people, in so inspiring place I love that. I am reaching my goal.
David Gruder: That’s perfect.
David Laroche: I’ll let you to introduce yourself, and I will ask you about your background and your journey, but in one sentence what do you do today?
David Gruder: Well, I am a clinical and organizational development psychologist, who has a very unusual area of specialization. I help leaders and businesses make integrity profitable.
David Laroche: Great, I would love to know how did you become that?
David Gruder: Well, how long story would you like to hear?
David Laroche: Yeah, yeah.
David Gruder: The short version?
David Laroche: Yeah the short version and what is very important for me and what I would like to share to my audience is especially your struggles and how did you over came it because a lot of people think: “Oh! The successful people have no fears and no struggles, a lot of luck; if I don’t have that, I can’t succeed”. So yeah, your journey and especially your struggles?
David Gruder: Yes, well I’ve had plenty of struggles over the course of my journey, and the way that integrity emerged as essentially a brand for me was that I have been someone who through the course of my career has always loved variety. And variety is very difficult to brand, so people who are branding experts would constantly scold me about saying “you got to specialise in just one thing and then get known broadly for that and when I was younger, I really rebelled against that because my freedom was more important to me than branding was.”
David Laroche: It is very interesting because a lot of people are saying me exactly the same thing, I have to focus in one thing, yeah.
David Gruder: And so what I finally started to do and it wasn’t that terribly long ago in the course of my life span at least it was about 13 or so years ago, I started asking, the people around me what they thought I specialized in. And I was very surprised by the recurring answer that I got. There were of course people who depending on what their exposure to me was, said “well, they thought I was a specialist in speaking or in psychology or in energy psychology or in relationships”. So there was a list of those kinds of things but the common denominator, was people would say to me well you know it’s silly that you are asking this question, you are a specialist in integrity, and I would look at them with kind of surprise like I had never really thought about that and the more I thought about the question of integrity, the more I came to realise that integrity was one of the themes that tied all of the various speciality areas that I have together, but what caused me to really embrace integrity publicly as being a specialist in that was when I had a very painful life experience, that was about the ending of my first marriage, which I never honestly expected, and the process of my recovering from the profound, emotional pain that I experienced. As a result of the end of that marriage, caused me to realise that even though other people viewed me as someone who had very high integrity, I was missing a very important aspect of integrity that I had never thought of as integrity.
See, I had grown up in a family that valued societal integrity, social responsibility, and ethics, and relationship integrity doing what you say you are going to do. So, my family’s definition of integrity really revolved around that, around social responsibility and being a person of your word in relationships. What I didn’t realise until I was looking closely at my contributions, my unintentional contributions to the end of my first marriage. Was that there was a form of integrity that I never thought of as integrity, self-integrity. I was perfectly fine neglecting myself, and the more I neglected my own self-care, my own balance, my own heart in service of my mission, and being of service and being helpful in the world, the more my capacity to love from here, from my heart shut down and got narrowed, and the more I neglected my own self-care, the more tired and exhausted I became, which meant I became more irritable, and more critical, and more judgemental, and was all because, I didn’t realise that integrity was 3 dimensional that it was one-third authenticity, one-third connection, and one third impact. So, as I was healing, from the pain of my divorce, I realised that part of what I was being gifted with through that pain, was an understanding of integrity that I had never ever heard about before, that integrity was actually 3 dimensional.
David Laroche: Great, yeah.
David Gruder: Not just one or two dimensional, because I have known people, who had great integrity when it comes to their sense of mission around social change, but the relationships are horrible, or their self-care is horrible and I have known people who are very passionate about relationship with other people, but they are happy to give up themselves to be loved by others and I know other people who are very strong in self integrity, in authenticity and they really do not care of other people have negative reactions to them and they do not think that they really have much responsibility for or ability to have positive impact in the broader world.
David Laroche: Yeah it’s great.