♪ music ♪ – [David] Hello, achievers. Today I am with a new amazing woman. She’s with me to answer my questions about NLP, about how to model someone, and how to sales. She’s very inspiring, so you will love this interview. Follow that. – [Aline] Hi, I’m Aline Bender. I’m a sales communication expert, and I do have an NLP practitioner license from Richard Bandler. And I am a mother of an 11-year-old daughter, and also newly-married to Brian Bender. And my passion and my inspiration is to teach communication. – Okay. How can we model someone quickly? – Okay, my claim to fame is I invented something called 60 Seconds of Influence, and the quickest way to model something is what a lot of people do not do is to ground yourself. So if you know that you’re going to go to an event, like networking, it’s really big now in the United States, which you just meet somebody for a couple minutes and you must make an impression, because that same person is going to meet 20 other people. So what do you do? Very important. Before you even say, “Hello,” or you look at the person you’re going to meet, you must ground yourself immediately. And the way you do that is just go into a state of just clearing any thoughts that you have, and just really being present. Being present for the moment. Not think of what you’re going to say, what you want from that person. So just quickly go into a moment of, “I’m here, I’m present now.” And that’s all it takes for grounding. And then when you go and meet someone, and you actually shake your hand with someone, just like I shook your hand, I connected with you. And you notice when I shook your hand, I touched your hand on top as well, and I smiled. So what I did is something called anchoring that we use in NLP. So I’ve anchored you. I gently touched you on your wrist, and then I smiled at you. So that automatically, especially with a human touch, whatever expression you’re looking at me, it’s embedded even more. So all of a sudden, you feel this kind of warmth from me because who doesn’t like to be smiled at? So I’ve anchored it more by touching you. And from there, I get to know who you are by asking you key questions, which I also teach in my workshop, the seven key questions. – So what is this questions? – Okay, so for the first–well, for one of the main ones is to ask– find out why. So this person instead of saying, “What is it that you do?” It’s more of, “What is it that you’re passionate about? What is it that you’re working on? Talk about that more. And what is it that you aspire to do? Or what projects are you working on?” People love to talk about themselves, and most of the time when I actually teach the 60 Seconds of Influence, you don’t really get to talk much about yourself, and that’s not the key. People are going to remember you because you actually truly care of having a private moment with someone just to listen. We don’t listen to each other enough, but they’re going to remember, “Oh, that person listened to me. There is something different about them.” So when I call you up to follow up with you, to take you out to lunch or to network with you, you’re going to automatically want to join me, and at that time I’ll be able to share what it is that I can offer you, or give you an opportunity to partake, because I actually took the moment to listen to you first. – Okay, great questions. Do you have another questions to see? – Yes. So, for example, to start off with, “What is it that you’re passionate about,” well do a follow-up question. So let’s say, for example, you’re passionate about interviewing people globally that are making a difference in this world, and I’ll look at you and truly be interested. Really be focused on that person. So there could be a fire going on behind you, there could be, I don’t know, pigs flying backwards, but at that moment, truly connect with a human being who’s actually opening their heart to you, and ask them– and look at them and ask, “Well, why is that? Why is that so important to you?” Do add that word “important,” and then go back to, “to you,” and then listen. – So it is a kind of deep “why?” – Yes. – Okay, I understand that. What is your keys to sell something to someone, or to [inaudible] something? – Okay, so in sales, the biggest mistake that people do is they get themselves in the way. They are ready to do something called a pitch, “And I have this product, here is the feature, and here are the benefits.” Even myself, although I love to buy things, I don’t want anyone to hear why you think it’s great for me, unless you get to know who I am. And when it comes to sales, people think, “Oh, I’ve got to tell them why this is so important, because I’m going to ask for a lot of money for this product.” Are you ready for this? – Yeah. – Here’s the crazy part: no one cares about the cost. It’s never about the money. If I find what I call your dominant buying value, for abbreviation it’s called DBV, it doesn’t matter how much it is. If I know that I could deliver that to you, or my product connects to what it is that’s so important to you. For example, an iPhone. If somebody said to me, “Aline, it does this, and this, and that, ” I automatically check-out. I’m not a technical person. But if you tell me that this object right here will get you in touch with your daughter any time, anywhere, and it’s the most reliable way for you to get ahold of her, even before you finish anything, I’ll say, “Okay, sold.” And then if you tell me, “Okay, well, it’s this certain amount,” and for some reason I cannot afford it, and you give me options, and say, “Aline, because you care so much for your daughter and I really respect that, and I want to support you on that, we have different options as far as payment plans.” And for me, I will find ways. I will ask my uncle, sisters, brother-in-law, mailman to assist me in purchasing that phone. Does that make sense? – Yeah, it’s great. So you start with questions to know who he is or who is she, and you are not able to present what you want to sell. – Yes, and you save so much time. One of the biggest commodity right now is not so much money, it’s time, and actually now it’s also time and energy. So a professional sales person knows how to ask key questions so that they’re not over-talking and then wasting the potential client’s time. And when the client actually makes a purchase and walks in and goes, “Wow, normally a sales presentation takes 2 hours, but I was done in 30 minutes.” They like you even more, because now they got what they wanted, and they have an hour and half plus to go do whatever they want. So when they’re doing the– let’s say now they could have lunch with their friend, so they could have time to go swimming, whatever it may be, they’re still going to be grateful for you. – I have another question in mind. How do you do when you are on stage? For example, you can’t ask questions directly in face-to-face to someone, so you are modeling speakers or so? What is your advice to sell on stage? – Okay, selling on stage, to me– I study a lot, so for example, I’m at an event here tonight, studying one of the greatest speakers, and I’m studying how they’re selling. And the pattern that I found is very consistent to what I teach. So there really isn’t any much difference. There is a formula that you do, and we talked about a little bit earlier is it okay if I share it. Okay, we have some things in common for all human beings, whether you’re yellow, white, black, green, orange, purple, and we all need three things, and we really revolve our life based on these three things. The first one is fear of loss. The second one is hope to gain. And the third one is wanting to feel valued, wanting to feel important. And what I found that whether you are selling on stage or face-to-face like this, it’s important to apply all three methods. For example, it would be, “This is a great product,” and if you are going to be a speaker, and you want to share your message to the world and be on a stage like this, you’ve got to be very careful, because speaking for about eight hours a day, three days in a row, you could damage your voice, and if you damage your voice, your career could completely loss. So that’s adding a fear of loss. But we have very professional coaches that teach you how to keep your voice and maintain it so that you have lots of energy, and you could change your vocal tonality to go out as far as possible to reach your audience, and to have a bigger impact is very valuable, and it’s a must. “By the way, we happen to have a fantastic program.” So that’s the hope to gain. And then feeling valued would be something like, “And I encourage you to take these courses so that you can share your message, so you can have a bigger impact with the world, and share your talents instead of keeping it to yourself. You’re that valuable, and the people around you are that valuable to hear you.” So I was portraying that we want to feel valued, and we also want to share our importance to everyone else, and that everyone else is important, which means leave a legacy. – So with these three problems, do you think we have to just remember that and do it like that, or we have to schedule to speak about the three things? – Okay, you mean prepare ahead of time? – Yeah. – Yes, absolutely. That’s a fantastic question. So now that you know that formula, depending on who you are going to be speaking with, you know your audience. You know if it’s a room of realtors, you know if it’s a room of mothers, fathers, or entrepreneurs. You know ahead of time who you’re going to be speaking to. And when you know that ahead of time, think of the main objections you’re going to deal with. So entrepreneurs will be, “I don’t have time.” Or it might be, “I don’t know my schedule. I’m in, and out, and about.” Or for entrepreneurs that are just starting out, “I may not have the funds.” So you know ahead of time what the objections are, but you also know ahead of time what is their biggest purpose. Entrepreneurs usually want to build things, they want to create things, they want to make changes in the world. They are creators. So then you already know what their fear of loss will be. You also know what their hope to gain is, and you know what they want to feel valued for, their legacy they want to leave behind. Does that makes sense? – Yeah. – So you know ahead of time, so then you could already put in those three formulas that I gave you, put in the objections, and overcome those objections as you are presenting it. – That is great. A lot of people are afraid to sell because they feel that it’s not good, it’s bad to sell. How we can overcome the fear of selling something? – Oh, I’m so glad you asked that, and that’s why I teach a heart-to-heart sell. We are born to sell. As a baby, we come out crying, and we’re selling already, because we don’t know how to communicate yet. Our best way to communicate is to cry, to cry for the things that we want. As adults, obviously we’ve learned to communicate, but we…also, I feel, we’re forgetting to ask for what we want. And we’ve been jaded, so to speak, meaning we’ve been pained by bad experience of poor salesmanship where we feel that we were trapped, or pressured, or tricked into doing something. And so, we feel we don’t want to impose that on somebody else. However, if you’re selling something that you absolutely believe, whether it’s a great shake that will vitalize you, or vitamins, or maybe you are a teacher and you have a great program that’s going to teach people how to communicate better, or going to release their fear of height, for example. You have a talent, and if you don’t share it, then you’re not selling , and therefore, you’re closing in. And then you’re just wasting, and wasting that talent. So sales, really, the way I define sales is fair exchange, and that’s why asking important questions is crucial, because I must know, “Is my product right for you? Can it really give you what you want? Can I attach it somehow and link it, and if I can, and I connect with you, and you pay me for that, then we have a fair exchange.” And that’s what creates sustainability, which is really important, and that’s what I teach for salespeople. Most salespeople go through a roller coaster of doing great, doing bad, doing great, doing bad. I call it, “I want to give, but then I feel guilty. I want to give, but I feel guilty if I take.” And it’s natural. It’s absolutely natural, just like day and night. It’s give and take, yin and yang. You know, there’s share, and you’ve got to take. And we go back and forth, back and forth. Does that make sense? – Yeah. If you add value, it’s okay to sell, because you are giving something. – Absolutely. And it’s a ripple effect, and that’s what makes the world go around. My product could actually…for example, my phone makes me feel at ease that I’m thousands of miles away from my daughter. I live in Hawaii, and here I am in California in Silicon Valley. And so, knowing that I have a product that I could call her right now and reach her, or if I want to FaceTime her and see her, I could see her. If the iPhone sales people were afraid to sell that to me, how would I reach my daughter? I probably wouldn’t be here tonight, because I wouldn’t want to not have access to her. Does that make sense? So believing that your product can make a big difference in someone’s life, and that is your purpose, is to share it, and to vocalize it, but most importantly is to ask those key questions to make sure that is the right client for it. – Great. I imagine that you have a lot of time men in front of you, and men in your trainings. A huge part of my audience is women, and a lot of the women who are following me have the belief that they can’t succeed because they are women. So did you have this struggle? If yes, how did you overcome it? – Yes, that’s also a great question. You’re fantastic asking questions. Yes, as a woman…in the field that I worked in… I worked in vacational ownership, which is also known as timeshare. And at the time, it was predominately male, especially in the higher office. They called it in-house, so I worked with a small group of people, and most of them were all men, except one other woman. Its challenge is actually its benefit, and I believe men deal with their own set of challenges and benefits as well. So as a woman, it’s real important…again, it goes back to what I said, is to get myself out of the way. It’s really, really important, and if I feel that a woman, for example, is not opening up to me, because I’m a female, and I am taking control of the next few hours they’re going to spend time with me, and that made her feel uncomfortable. You can use some movements, which…it’s taught in NLP. I could change the state that I’m in. So for example, I happen to have a long torso, and so she may be sitting down, and her body might be a little bit lower than me, so I will purposely minimize myself and kind of shrink myself. And so, when I’m doing this and I’m shrinking myself, and also my tonality, instead of speaking with a strong, confident voice, I could speak a little bit higher. And at the same time, it’s, again, about caring about and respecting her time with me finding about her, letting her lead the presentation, and then by asking her key questions, I could plug in what may be important for her to know about my product and services. – Okay, it’s great. Do you think women and men have the same way to succeed? – Okay, I want to ask you a question and find out exactly more what you mean. Same way meaning as far as the tools and the path, or…? – Do you think, for example, if a women model everything about how men succeed, it will be the right way, or maybe she has to learn something else to unleash, I don’t know what, but something special? Because we are in a world that a lot of men is succeeding, and I have some women in my clients who say, “I don’t find any women that inspire me.” So do you think, I don’t know, it is a good thing for women to have only men as a source of inspiration, or do you think it’s important for her to find at least one woman as a source of inspiration? – Okay, I understand your question now. Thank you. I think it is important to have somebody that we can really relate to, whether it’s male or female. And if you’re a female, and you just feel more comfortable and at ease with following or being mentored by a woman, then find a woman. There are lots and lots of great women, I’m very blessed to be surrounded by them, and I have women that are my mentors, and male. And sometimes you want a little bit more female energy, and sometimes you want a little bit more male. But ultimately, when you go out, and let’s say you are a sales professional and you are going to feel those sales, that you really tap into who you are. It’s great to pick up from different mentors to learn what’s successful, but then it’s also very important to focus on who you are, and not attempt to be who they are, and change yourself where you get uncomfortable, because that’s where you’re going to mess up, because you’re pretending to be somebody you’re not. One of the things that I do during my workshop is I do an exercise where you actually own a trait, and I’ll walk you through really quickly. So just say if I’m a female and I want to own a trait of a very powerful female, let’s say Oprah Winfrey, for example. Amazing woman to portray, and what I love about Oprah Winfrey is she’s just so open. Great heart. You can feel her love. And she could be interviewing the most powerful person in the world, and you just feel like…when you turn on the TV and watch the interview, you feel like they’re in the living room just having a conversation. So when I said that you want to model that comfort, all you have to do is go back to a time in your life where you had that comfort as well. And it doesn’t have to be somebody super important, just the moment that you felt comfortable, at ease, with someone that you were having a conversation with. And if it was in the living room, even better. Go back to a time where you were just having a conversation with a good friend of yours in the living room. It takes a nanosecond to go back to that memory, and you go back to that memory, and as soon as you…it’s part of neuroscience where you put it into…you think of that memory instantly, your body, and your attitude, even your posture becomes it. – Okay. – Does that make sense? – Yeah it does. – Okay, so then you just do that, and keep doing that over and over again until you can really, really become that at any moment, and I practice that all the time. I go through a file and I go, “Okay, I want to feel very confident. When was I really confident? When was I really excited?” And I use this in sales a lot when, say, I didn’t have enough sleep, or I was really tired for some reason and I’m meeting new people, I want to be enthusiastic in front of them, I want to be exciting, give them lots of energy. I go into a moment when I was really excited, and all of a sudden my body is full of energy and I’m ready to share that with them. – Thank you. – You’re welcome. ♪ music ♪
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