Transcript of the interview of David Gruder
David Laroche: I would love to know what is IQ and how we can develop that?
David Gruder: Well you know we live in an age where, there are more and more types of intelligence that people are talking about; emotional intelligence, relationship intelligence, and spiritual intelligence and then there is the second IQ that’s not intellectual intelligence, or intelligence quotient, but our integrity quotient, our integrity IQ, that’s the IQ that I focus on.
David Laroche: Do you think we can develop that I am sure but?
David Gruder: Well if we cannot there is no hope for me, yes of course we can.
David Laroche: And how we can do that?
David Gruder: Well, what is interesting to me is that it is not so much about developing it as it is about reclaiming it. Because for me integrity intelligence is something that is wired into who we are as human beings from birth.
David Laroche: From birth, maybe more…
David Gruder: Yeah because what integrity is grounded in. You know let me back track for a moment if I could because I want to say something brief about how the dictionary defines integrity. It defines integrity as a state of being hold and complete, in relationship to some code of ethics or morals, but the problem with the definition is who defines what whole and complete is, and what set of morals and ethics are we are talking about. So, the dictionary definition is philosophically interesting but it falls in the category that I refer to as true but not useful, however in my study of sustainably happy people and how sustainably happy people, what they have in common with each other that is different from what people who are not sustainably happy, having common with each other, I came to understand that all of us have 3 core drives that we are born with, the drive to be who we truly are, which is our drive for authenticity; the drive to bond with others, which is the drive for connection; and the drive to influence the world around us, which is our drive for impact; and the great breakthrough for me in understanding what sustainably happy people were telling me because sustainably happy people do not select one of those forms of happiness over the other two. They live with the intersection of all three, so they report that they do feel like they are being who they really truly are, they feel bonded with people who are important to them and they feel like they have positive influence in whatever their chosen spears of influence are. The breakthrough for me was that, authenticity translates into to self-integrity, connection translates into relationship integrity, and impact translates into collective or societal integrity, and when we have that definition of integrity intelligence, we have a way of understanding that it is not about developing our integrity intelligence, it is about reclaiming our birth right, and understanding that it is not possible to separate or divorce integrity and happiness because they are one in the same.
David Laroche: So happiness is kind of consequence of true integrity?
David Gruder: Happiness is a consequence of true integrity, and true integrity is a consequence of authentic real 3 dimensional happiness.
David Laroche: Great, I love that. Yes I have one question before this one, why we have to reclaim that?
David Gruder: Well for three basic reasons that are tied with these 3 core drives. I needed to reclaim my happiness because for the first 35 years of my life, I was absolutely certain that I was on this planet in this life as punishment. I had moments of feeling joy or happiness, but I did not have sustainable happiness because I was convinced that something really self-defeating about myself and it was not until I was 35 years old that I finally started to consider the possibility that maybe I was wrong, that I was here as punishment, you see. So first and foremost, I owe happiness to myself because otherwise what I have to offer the world, I offer with such a sense of heaviness and intensity and self-importance that who want to learn from me? So first of all is about being happy from me. The second reason is because people want to be in connection with people whose hearts they can touch and for me happiness does not mean being in a state of joy all of the time. For me happiness means being in a state of connection and relationship with my full range of emotions where they do not rule me, but they are actually teaching tools that are constantly helping me understand my relationship with myself and my relationship with world around me, and so happiness is important for me in terms of relationships and the other part of happiness, for me is in order for me to fulfil my life purpose around social change. I cannot do that well if I am not being a light, in the world. If you look at figure like a Nelson Mandela or a Martin Luther King, or Gandhi when he was presenting to the public these people are and many others, Mother Teresa, looked very happy. Their own inner joy was infectious, that is not to say that each of these human beings did not have their moments of suffering in misery, they all did, but they were able to tap into that well spring of joy and it was their sense of joy and their sense of purpose that inspired the world around, and if they were heavy unhappy, tormented souls they would not have drawn as many people to them as they did.
David Laroche: It is great, I love that.